A letter from Chamroeun
March 1999

Dear friend,

Many people have asked me about my mother and sister. For many years, I really wanted to visit Cambodia, but I heard the country wasn't safe. Cambodia is still hurt from all the times of war. It has been hard to build up the country again. Last year, I decided to go. In February 1999, Tom and I finally took the trip and started by going to Thailand.

When we got to Thailand, we went to the Cambodian embassy. We didn't want to fly straight to Cambodia because it was too expensive. The embassy told us that the border was now open by land. We got a visa and took a bus from Bangkok to the Cambodian border. At the border, we took a 3-wheeled motorized bicycle. They call them "tok-tok" in Thailand, because that's the sound they make when you ride in them. It cost us about 50 baht or $1.25.

At the border, we saw a lot of poor people carrying things on their shoulders over to Thailand to sell, and buying things in Thailand to sell in back in Cambodia. We had to hire a taxi to take us three and a half hours to my home. I was a little scared because I had heard that soldiers would be there and we would have to bribe them to pass on the road. But our trip was OK. I thought to myself that if something happened to me, it could happen in the U.S. too. "You can never know what will happen," I told myself. After that, I felt better.

The taxi driver told me stories about the mountains we were passing. It was twenty years since I was there, and I couldn't remember anything. Everything was changed. Nothing looked familiar. The taxi driver had to drive at about the same speed that we ride bicycles here because the road was so bumpy and broken up. At first the bumpiness was fun, like if you go to Six Flags and ride the amusement rides up and down, but after a while I thought my lungs and liver would get broken!

It was getting dark and there were no electric lights there. But the ride through the countryside was very nice. It was harvest season and we passed many rice fields. The huts were small, the air was so fresh and clean, and the countryside was beautiful.

Finally we arrived in Battambang City. When we got there, I felt lost. Everything was completely different, completely changed. We had to find my mother because she didn't live where we lived before. The Khmer Rouge had taken our house and land and destroyed it all. I went to different places and asked about my mother and sister. When I asked where my sister was, someone told me she had a small shop in a hut in front of the house where she sold groceries. I found her shop and I got out of the car very quietly.

I had never sent a letter to my mother to tell her that I was coming. I didn't really know if I would be able to get there, and I didn't want her to worry or to prepare anything. Also, I had heard many stories about robberies in Cambodia. I didn't know if someone might prepare to rob me if they knew I was coming. So for all of these reasons, I hadn't told anyone about my plans.

I went over to the stand and my mother was there. I recognized my mother right away, though she looked completely different. She looked so old. Now she is 72 years old, and when I left she was only in her early 50's. Her friend, who was helping in the shop, asked me, "Can we help you?" And I said, "No, I'm not going to buy anything. I just want to ask "Who is Ye Van (That means Grandma Van. We use the word "ye" as a sign of respect for older people). After that, they realized it was me. Her friend asked, "Are you Chamroeun?" And I said "Yes." My mother dropped everything from her hands and she started crying. I felt a pain in my chest and I felt like crying too, but I held it down. I didn't want the tears.

After she cried, my sister came out from the house, and nephews and nieces appeared. Everybody was so happy. They were all crying. Then all the neighbors came around. I don't know where they were coming from. There were 10 or 20 people all crowding around. I wasn't used to it. In America, you don't often see neighbors all crowding around when someone comes to visit you!

We talked for a while and then Tom and I went to a hotel. That night I couldn't sleep. When I got up I wanted to walk around and see everything that I saw 20 years ago before I left. When I went to Battambang Market I saw that everything was different. We just walked around to see the traditional Cambodian foods in the morning. I loved to taste things that I had not eaten for a very long time. The people in Cambodia are very poor, but they seemed very happy, especially the children. They speak and say "hello" to strangers. After that, Tom and I spent our time traveling around from temple to temple. We also went to the Catholic church in Battambang. We heard about Cambodian dance there, and I explained my activities in America, about how we try to keep the culture.

My neighbor Helen made some very delicious Greek cookies that she wanted me to bring to my mother. I wanted my family to taste American cookies. I brought some that I made also. I brought Italian biscuits and beehive cookies. My Cambodian friends here in America didn't think I should bring them because they thought nobody would like them. I gave my mother a copy of my book, In My Heart I am a Dancer, and she wanted to keep one brand new in the curio cabinet and have another to show her friends. She didn't know how to read English, but I explained to her how we want to let children here know about different cultures.

We saw the bakeries where they baked breads in the fire. The food tasted so good, and was a lot less expensive than here. We stayed for about three weeks. I tried to explain about my life here, and how my brother and I miss them. And after that, I tried to go to the village where I lived before the Khmer Rouge came. I was sad to see my house totally gone. We brought used clothes to give to the people over there. The people welcomed us, and some young kids climbed up and cut a fresh coconut for us to eat.

We went to one of their English classes so the children could hear a real American accent. We brought the book to them, too and they could read the English! The young students really wanted to learn and they wanted to know about American kids, too.

I want kids here to know they need to not ask so much from their parents. I saw that the children over there had a lot of responsibilities. If they wanted to play, they made their own toys. Over here, children have everything. It is very different.

When I stay here in the United States, I miss my mother. And when I saw her again, I didn't want to leave because I felt that I would miss her so much. I felt so sad to leave her. But it was a funny thing. When I was over there, everything seemed so different. I felt like I belong in the USA. But when I am here, I feel like I belong there in Cambodia. I don't know why. The heart is greedy. Sometimes you don't appreciate what you have.

Love, Chamroeun

P.S. Everybody really loved the cookies I brought and they said they were so tasty. If I had listened to my friends and not taken them, I would have been sorry. This way people got to try them for themselves and they really enjoyed it.

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